Tonight I lie here alone, watching Gatsby. I am unusually inflamed in all areas of my body, but especially in my legs, starting at my thighs, moving down to my calves and then my ankles and feet. They are pitted when I poke them and I know that the dreaded low barometer has struck again.

Many people who are new to Lyme are unaware of the effect that low barometric pressure has on the level of pain we experience. I have joked my whole life, not knowing I had Lyme, that I was like a cow, in that I could tell you when it was going to rain or snow two days beforehand. I am more reliable than any meteorologist out there. It's the same with the humidity. I LOVE the heat, but the humidity kills. me. Arizona often calls me for this reason. The dry warm air seems like an intangible dream to me. If I didn't have all of my family close by, I would likely move.

So my feet are ragingly uncomfortable. I have no appetite at all, which is no change for the past several months. The joints in my fingers are swollen. In fact, I think every joint in my body is swollen. And I feel sad. Sad that I am 38 year old and my life looks like this. I know it could be so much worse, but this just flat out sucks.

Mini has learned to ride her new bike really well. There is a seat for her baby, Alicia, and a basket in the front and a bell. She knows no greater love thank to ride that bike and ding that bell until everyone on the bike path is ready to rip the bell off the bike. It's hard to believe my baby starts preschool on Tuesday. I hope I get to enjoy that day with her. I wonder what that day will hold. The forecast is for four days of thunderstorms and my body agrees with the forecast.

And so here I lie, as unable to focus on anything as usual; watching the movie, working on my month's end for work, preparing for the book release, and missing someone special . It's hard to focus. Because when I focus, I face the truth. My life is in pieces and the way I live my life is to grasp at each broken piece and hope that it won't all come shattering down. And while what I write is raw, real, and honest, I don't want to face the truth, for the truth is just too heavy for me to bear right now.

Welcome to my new blog - A Twist of Lyme

The blog world is not new territory to me. For many years now tens of thousands of followers have watched me go through the highs and lows of life. As you can tell from the title of this blog and my upcoming book A Twist of Lyme: Battling a Disease That "Doesn't Exist", this is one of my life's lows.

The beauty of it is that within the darkest moments, there are glimpses of light. I am known as a raw and honest author and writer. I will hold nothing back. You will hear the good, the bad, and the... really gross. Because the fact is, having had undiagnosed Lyme for almost 3 decades, treatment is sometimes... really gross. It is always miserable, usually very painful, and completely, utterly, frustratingly emotional. And then there is the exhaustion which I really cannot describe because I have no frame of reference. I have always been this is exhausted, although the treatment brings it out 10 fold.

I have now been in treatment for Lyme for 26 months, having started with a Lyme Literate Naturopath, but when we started treatment, we didn't realize the scope of my infection, all of which I recount in my book. So, I stopped antibiotic treatment altogether when I started seeing Dr. Jemsek because there were a slew of tests that needed to be done, because we needed to stabilize my system, and because I was so fragile that virtually anything could have incapacitated me. I will not repeat what I have have already written, but that is the background.

I am now in month sixteen with Dr. Jemsek and, while I have come a long way, I sure would love to be a miraculous Lyme-free specimen, something which I will likely never become.

I don't live a normal life. My parents bear an unusual amount of the burden of my 38-year old life, mostly by taking care of my nearly five-year old daughter. My assistant quit yesterday. She got a job at a school and needed benefits we couldn't offer her. She was one of my bright lights. And today was her last day. That makes me sad. Very sad. But it was her turn to fly, as I have done so many times in my life and with her new marriage comes a new career and I, of course, wish her well. It's been a much more fun 1.5 years that it would have been without her.

But that leaves an immediate need for an assistant and, to be honest, I really don't want anyone all up in my business. It gets ugly around here and this is not the life I envisioned, although it is the life I am living. So, with the pressure from my parents to find a new assistant, I find myself stifled in utter terror, imagining who could possibly take her place. And so here I sit, three months after I stopped posting on my last blog and venting through my writing again.

It's 6:30p.m. and I am in bed, watching my daughter try to do handstands. Could get ugly. But then, what fun would it be to be a kid without a little handstand accident or two?

So if you are new to me, welcome. And if you have been following me through the years, thank you and welcome back. Your silent support keeps me motivated to feel better, no matter how badly I feel.

I don't have an exact book release date yet, but it is coming. I hope you will all support my pursuit of getting the word about Lyme out there not only by buying the book, but by sharing it with vigor. My purpose in writing it has always to bring about Lyme awareness on a while new level and my publishers and I have had no luck finding a book like it - written entirely by a Lyme patient while IN treatment, not in retrospect. So, please, share away and get the word out.