Tonight I lie here alone, watching Gatsby. I am unusually inflamed in all areas of my body, but especially in my legs, starting at my thighs, moving down to my calves and then my ankles and feet. They are pitted when I poke them and I know that the dreaded low barometer has struck again.

Many people who are new to Lyme are unaware of the effect that low barometric pressure has on the level of pain we experience. I have joked my whole life, not knowing I had Lyme, that I was like a cow, in that I could tell you when it was going to rain or snow two days beforehand. I am more reliable than any meteorologist out there. It's the same with the humidity. I LOVE the heat, but the humidity kills. me. Arizona often calls me for this reason. The dry warm air seems like an intangible dream to me. If I didn't have all of my family close by, I would likely move.

So my feet are ragingly uncomfortable. I have no appetite at all, which is no change for the past several months. The joints in my fingers are swollen. In fact, I think every joint in my body is swollen. And I feel sad. Sad that I am 38 year old and my life looks like this. I know it could be so much worse, but this just flat out sucks.

Mini has learned to ride her new bike really well. There is a seat for her baby, Alicia, and a basket in the front and a bell. She knows no greater love thank to ride that bike and ding that bell until everyone on the bike path is ready to rip the bell off the bike. It's hard to believe my baby starts preschool on Tuesday. I hope I get to enjoy that day with her. I wonder what that day will hold. The forecast is for four days of thunderstorms and my body agrees with the forecast.

And so here I lie, as unable to focus on anything as usual; watching the movie, working on my month's end for work, preparing for the book release, and missing someone special . It's hard to focus. Because when I focus, I face the truth. My life is in pieces and the way I live my life is to grasp at each broken piece and hope that it won't all come shattering down. And while what I write is raw, real, and honest, I don't want to face the truth, for the truth is just too heavy for me to bear right now.