Throwback - Blue Skies

Things are so much better now, and almost a year has past since I wrote this, but it means so much to me still, if perhaps in a very different way, that I wanted to share it again. I am still waiting for my true blue sky - my full remission, but this poem I wrote in September of last year reminds me that I can find many different kinds of blue skies along the way. So for all of you out there who are awaiting your blue skies, remember that after blue skies come overcast, or dark clouds, sometimes storms, then blue skies again, and such is our treatment. And so is treatment...

Blue Skies

He promised me that there would be blue skies 
That if I listened and did as he said, that they would come to me

Better days, happier times, I supposed
I spent months looking up at the sky, never to see any blue
I would stare for hours and hours
Watching the birds fly, first north for the summer
Then south for the winter

Only to return again

I examined each cloud to see if my blue sky might be hiding behind it
Never to be seen, never to be found
I counted the stars, again and again, losing count and starting over
Maybe he meant my blue sky would be found on a dark one on a clear night
I watched each moon as it progressed from a crescent to a full moon
I stared at the sun, wondering if its glare might lead the way
Every raindrop could hold the key to my blue skies, once that final drop hit the ground
I searched and pleaded with whoever was listening in my silent room to find my blue skies.

But no one ever responded

My blue skies, never to be found, I thought
The sky - blue in the air, but never in my heart
I questioned him, quite angrily at his failed promise
That my blue skies he had taunted me with for me months were nowhere to be seen
I felt deceived by the one man who was saving my life
He begged of me to be patient, to stay on course
And so I looked at the North Star and pondered what a blue sky could really be
I waited patiently and stopped searching
And by doing so, I found those skies

Or better yet, they found me

And I caught the blue skies, with my eyes, my arms, my lips
Vowing never to let them go
My heart sang for the first time in many years
And I felt alive under those clear blue skies
And I vowed to never forget the special feeling of something so longed for

Finally found.

My blue skies didn’t fix everything
Nor would I be able to stare up at them for long
But I have never forgotten the feeling, as I vowed
And I find myself again each day looking out the window
Staring at the sky, hoping they will return
Vowing to never forget that feeling

My blue skies.