Delinquent with the Best of Intentions

And so it goes. Another month has passed and I have let you down. Once upon a time, I was so committed to writing my blog that I received letters of thanks for sharing my daily experiences and innermost feelings. And things have changed. But it's important that you, as my readers and friends understand that the less frequency with which I write is a sign that treatment does indeed result in progress, that life does begin to improve, and that writing daily entries no longer becomes necessary.

What is important for me to convey to you is that I have not abandoned you. In fact, you are more important to me than ever. I have spent the past several months doing 70+ interviews with local and national radio stations, newspapers, magazines, and television appearances. I do this because I have realized that my book has made some noise. It's rocked the boat and as you have gathered by now, I am not one to sit quietly and allow a collective group off arrogance and greed who have derailed my life get away with it as they do the same to you. And I sure as hell will never allow this to happen to my child. And so while you may not have heard from me on the blog, please do click "HOME" above and take a look at a taste of what I have been up to in the media. Of course I cannot put everything up, but we are keeping up as best we can.

They say that when in crisis one goes into fight or flight mode. Suffice to say I am in full on FIGHT mode. That said, I have consciously taken on this task with a graceful tone, attempting to bring this scientific and medical tug of war back down to a human level. My goal has been not only to help educate the public about the reality of Lyme Borreliosis Complex, but to perhaps grab the ear of an allopathic doctor who might need to eat a piece of humble pie and be reminded that all of us are human. When patients come to their doctors in pain, be it physical, emotional, or mental, it is their responsibility to and privilege to treat that patient, not an entitlement. It is my hope that someone out there might hear my story and reflect on some puzzling patients and perhaps want to learn some more about which I speak and at the very least, treat us like we are humans with hearts, often broken by having been beaten down.

I am proud to say that I have been in contact with a couple of allopathic doctors who have had such a reaction. They have contacted me to thank me for opening their eyes. Two doctors who work in teaching hospitals actually contacted me to say that my book would become required reading in their curriculum not only as a lesson in learning about LBC, but also about the psychological toll that chronic illness can take on a patient and how empathy must always be an integral part of treating every patient.

A couple of weeks ago it was my great privilege to travel to DC to be interviewed together with my Dr. Jemsek by Boyd Matson for National Geographic Radio. You can listen here. ( http://bit.ly/1mMFyxz  PLEASE SHARE! ) Once you have listened to the interview, if you are so inclined, please go to NatGeo Weekend's Facebook page and comment about the interview and the importance of this subject. The more positive feedback this interview gets, the more attention we will bring to the subject and the more interview will flood in! We need the exposure! 

Next week I will appear on DC's CBS affiliate Channel 9 on an interview about LBC. This is also great exposure which I hope will expand into other regions. I am working very hard during my antibiotic holidays to cram in as much publicity as I can. I hope I am doing you proud.

In any case, this post has been less about my health and so I should let you in on a few details as to what has been happening. My recovery from my hysterectomy while physically not painful at all, caused a great deal of havoc in that I was off treatment for a while and my Babesiosis made it's return. My treatment right now is pretty aggressive, well very aggressive and I have been suffering from complete exhaustion after my 4pm dose even during holidays. I do think that is due to an increase in two of my seizure medications, which was necessary, but makes me very tired. I really do look forward to days of remission when I can have friends over for dinner again, watch TV ANYWHERE but in my bed, and most importantly, put my daughter to bed without the help of my parents. Quite simply, I want my life back. I have had enough.

Sadly, my blue sky and I broke up a few weeks ago but I have to say I have barely shed a tear. It was the right thing at the right time and it needed to be done. When you have made little to no progress in over a year at this age, some changes must be made and such is life. Comforting to me is that I am the most emotionally stable as I have ever been. This means that my treatment is working and that I am nearing remission. I have never been so calm and steady about the loss of a relationship, no matter who ended it, in my life. I am quite simply at peace with it all. I am doing what I am meant to be doing. I am healing as I should. And I know my life is headed in the right direction. It's a wonderful feeling to feel emotionally like a rock for the first time in your life. It's as if I have been given a whole new gift of freedom, not because the relationship ended, of course that is sad and I miss him, but because I am OK with my life and myself as I am in this moment. I have never been able to say that. I believe that is true healing of the brain. My brain is healing. It's an incredible process. And I thank Dr. J for that.

I continue to have a terrible time detoxing and we have been kind of stumped as to why, so I have done some genetic testing and we will be analyzing the raw data over the coming weeks. It will be very interesting to see what gene mutations I may have that are causing my inability to detox, to metabolize, and other basic functions of the body. It's just all very fascinating.

Thank you for bearing with me in my delinquency as a blogger. Life has gotten in the way, but rest assured, it's been because and for you. I am fighting the good fight for YOU. I know you are out there. And I know you are hurting. I see you whether you are visible to me or not. I feel your presence and your need for validation. And I care. So please excuse my absence. Now you know where I have been.