Paranoia

It was so strange. Last night I was having a dream and I woke up at 11:48pm and was completely sure someone was in my house. I lay there on the bed without the slightest of movements for several minutes, hearing crackling noises downstairs, as if someone was going through papers or something. Then I realized, "Oh no, this is what used to happen to me years ago," a sobering thought which made me realize I was going through an episode of paranoia again.

If you read my book you know about my experience in great detail. I refused to go to that place again. I admit, I did look out the window to see if anyone was there, but I nipped it in the bud and refused to go check things out downstairs. I was not going to let this get the best of me again.

Eventually, I fell asleep again for the rest of the night. Everyone is in tact and awake, so I am assuming that yes, I was paranoid, as I once used to be every night. What this means is this first week of treatment has opened up yet another Pandora's Box. The lactoferrin/xylitol combo managed to break through some biofilm that released the bacteria (or spirochetes) that used to cause these issues in the past. So, now I am fighting the paranoia again. This makes for LONG nights of fear and sleeplessness. I am hoping I can just keep my wits about me, remember that it's in my head temporarily and that it's part of the battle.

Paranoia is a very real symptom of Lyme and can manifest itself in many ways. Sometimes in the form of jealousy, when the patient is afraid that something is not right in his/her relationship(s); or social phobias, which I suffered from for years, when going to meet friends seems completely overwhelming. You feel too ugly, too fat, too dumb, or just plain not good enough. It's a reality and it's important that spouses and loved ones know that. And it's important that patients of Lyme know that you CAN get past that. Recognize it as a symptoms and know as you diligently treat your disease that it will go away eventually, even if it pops up it's head every now and again. Just think of it as a game of whack-a-mole. That's how I cope.