Talk About TMI...

So usually I write my snarky experiences with this ridiculous disease and my various, quite adept, coping mechanisms with great ease, perhaps a chuckle aloud all in a room by myself, and the occasional, "You REALLY put way too much of yourself out there, Andrea," type of thing. But today, I find myself wanting to write a more educational, but by all means, not to medically-written pieces about the, ahem, pieces of me, that are soon to hear the trumpet play TAPS.

In any case, in order to gear myself up to do what I am now doing, actually sorting my own thoughts, feelings and knowledge about this on the modern version of paper, I had to take a 3 hour nap after what was probably a rough 2-hr ride home in the car with my mom where I MAY have said two sentences since my mind was running a mile a minute.

A warning - I am not holding back on this one so if medical descriptions make you woozy then - WHY THE HELL ARE YOU READING A LYME BLOG - but this is probably not the post for you anyway.

It's been a while since I had my last surgery and by a while a mean less than two years ago, when I had my gall bladder out. At least, I think that's the last thing I had removed. But I am no stranger by now to surgeries and my lower half have been through quiet the ringer during the past several years. I have had two "girlie" operations in my time, one laparoscopically for endometriosis and one which turned into a big show with me giving birth via c-section to a coconut sized cyst which was so hard they could not pop it and bring it out through my belly button In fact, the connective tissue was so dense, that they couldn't even get IN my belly button.

Endometriosis is a disease in which the endometrial cells that normally grow inside the uterus that shed every month with a mentrual period grow OUTSIDE the uterus on the linings of other organs like ovaries, fallopian tubes, intestines, cervix, etc. And this can get really out of hand. Some overachievers, such as myself, grow endometriomas the size of coconuts (in my case) or even larger so it becomes so painful that one's existence can and does revolve around how to navigate a 24-hour period of time by physically moving in ways which will not disrupt the beast. And when that time of month comes for the hormones to release to start shedding the wall of the uterus, all of the endometrial cells begin bleeding, and the belly area becomes engorged with blood. *GAG* I warned you.

AND HOLY SHIT DOES IT HURT. 

Now, my symptoms have been mildly calmed by my Mirena IUD for the past few years, but I had that IUD when I had my endometrioma coco-loco so I am not buying that so much as a remedy. 

So, here's your first hint, Scooby, it is UNLIKELY that this next procedure, try as they might, will be a successful laparoscopy. Nope, it's going to end up a laparotomy again, which the doctor told me was more risky this time than the first time. I get disclosure and all but COME ON - after I had just been through, well, we'll get to that...

So this is the first surgery I have had where I felt like there was no way on EARTH I was doing it at our small town hospital, so I was pretty shocked to get in to Dartmouth Hitchcock so quickly, considering I have never been a GYN patient there. Mom and I took off this morning and got there a little early and were able to eat a small lunch.

Everything went pretty quickly, except my exam. We talked for a while about WHY we, meaning, Dr J, Dr. Steve, and I were all pushing for a full hysterectomy (even though I was still so nervous by the scope of it all) and why my hometown GYN was apprehensive (thought I should keep an ovary, etc). I was pretty firm with her, having decided that I respected that she knows nothing about Lyme, I would not bring it up in the appointment and that it's in my file, she knows. The reason for this procedure is because of a LONG list of hormonal issues I have struggled with and suffered from since the age of 11, when I got my first period and not so coincidentally, contracted Lyme. In other words, I don't need Lyme to take care of this. It's a endocrine-nightmare in and of itself.

She tried to talk me into talking Lupron which temporarily puts you into menopause and being fully aware of what it is I flat out said no, knowing it will not alleviated ANY of the LYME-related issues I have with regards to this. My body has had enough and it's time to give my poor endocrine system, which between all of the stuff I have mentioned, hypothyroidism and Addison's disease, has been through the proverbial ringer.

She asked me to go pee, which I did and then when I came back she told me she wanted to see if my bladder had emptied completely. Enter the insertion of the catheter WHILE I WAS AWAKE. Wait, now WHHAAATTTTT? I am pretty sure there are rules about this and I should have been sleeping. Next thing I know she is emptying out the rest of my bladder and tells me it's normal. Excuse me, you shoving a catheter in me while I am awake is NOT normal. Just sayin' Yes, another day in my totally normal world.

Yank. Ouch that hurt. It's out now. All set. Super.

And so began the exam. I don't need to tell you what an OB/GYN exam is like. What I WILL tell you is that as she examined me, she realized that she had better finish quickly because with every poke inside OR outside of me more tears would stream down my face and I was shaking uncontrollably. It was the shortest exam I have ever had, probably because I already had so much on paper and because it was obviously that it was excruciating for me. It took me several minutes to come back down from that tailspin.

Once I was washed off and dressed again, she came back and said that it would be "more than reasonable to suggest a full hysterectomy". And I knew it was the outcome we wanted, that it will help me get around those GYN inflammation issues which have been getting in the way of a faster recovery for me, but it was still oddly a very scary thought. This was not a reaction I expected and it's not like me to get freaked out in the slightest.

Now, for the tiny education piece I intend on sharing, I want everyone to know that I feel it is up them as patients to make their own choices and I do hope everyone respects my right to make my own without judgement. I have had the necessary discussions with the people who should have a saying this matter we are totally fine the fact that I will be unable to have any more children aspect of it all. This comes from a couple of places. First, I a not living with or married to anyone so I don't feel that having another child is really even on the boards for me. Second, there is quite some question as to whether my body would be able to carry a child at all and most importantly and this is where MY choice not to have a biological child has come in is that Lyme is passed in utero and I just would not want to risk the miscarriages, stillborn births or birth defects I could pass on to a child KNOWING it would be a possibility. There are many people with Lyme who give birth and have babies and children who are doing VERY well and I celebrate them. I just knew that day at Dr J's office when I saw the baby scale, that it would not be a road I would choose to take.

The complication I now face is that the date of surgery falls when my parents will be away and while I am hoping to get in earlier on a waiting list, it looks bleak, which means I will have to push it back which would mean... wait for it Kim... I would arrive at my companies conference fresh out of surgery - not as fresh as the LAST two years but fresh no less. The other option is to wait until AFTER I take Mini on our Disney Cruise, but that is too far away and I cannot stand the pain for 3 more months. Not happening.

So, here is where we all come together and make the universe magically create an opening in the surgical schedule (with any well-qualified DH surgeon) in BEGINNING - MID FEBRUARY. Let's just get this DONE. I need all vibes, prayers, universal mojo to bring t he clock around on this one so I don't have to suffer several more months of this due to calendar conflicts. Seriously...

So this ended up being snarky and uneducational after all! Then I have actually lightened up a bit and gotten back to my own self again.